| Happy Holidays,Ting-ting-a-ling. | | | | and your family. The past is the past, the future |
| Everywhere I go I hear the happy, happy, happy | | | | awaits. |
| sounds of the holidays. Wait, I am a widow. I am | | | | 2. Envision your beloved, knowing he or she would |
| experiencing grief, loss, misery. What's so jolly | | | | not want a family to be miserable during a |
| about being left alone at this time after a good | | | | meaningful time. But, meaningful time for me, |
| marriage ? Left alone to manage the memories, | | | | alone, is not meaningful time with an empty spot. |
| to live through the 6 weeks of happy, happy | | | | He would not want me to wallow in the empty |
| family time. Children out of the home, decorations | | | | spot, he would want me to carry on with the joy |
| in the storage shed. Decorations collected over 25 | | | | of holidays past. |
| years. The handmade ornaments, the stockings, | | | | 3. Send cards/newsletters with THE TRUTH, may |
| the cookie cutters. I detested the holidays, I | | | | be painful for others to read, as my youngest |
| detested the tv commercials, I detested the | | | | said, "Mom, this newsletter is a buzz kill" but guess |
| friends who no longer called. I detested the | | | | what? When that person losses her loved one |
| aloneness. Aloneness was everywhere and | | | | ,she will be better prepared than I was. Public |
| reinforced by the mass media. | | | | service to those women who believe "it will never |
| I tried everything to make the time right. I went | | | | happen to me." |
| to department store sales, I bought all new | | | | 4. Change the environment. The first year the |
| Christmas oraments (never took them out of the | | | | girls and I escaped to a nearby city. We did |
| box), I went to chat rooms, I went to grief | | | | everything differently, ate out, shopped, went to |
| counselors, the only thing that helped was OTHER | | | | the movies. The second year, well, we had saved |
| WIDOWS. I reached out, I listened, I learned and I | | | | money and spent a glorious time in Hawaii...total |
| watched. I can be different. Rob died, I didn't. Now | | | | change of view. This our third year, well, new |
| the challenge was what to do? I am a | | | | traditions are already afoot. |
| psychologist, I knew the answer: REFRAME what | | | | 5. Be thankful for what you had, but acknowledge |
| is, or be miserable. Change the externals, or stay | | | | there's a "new normal". The "new normal" starts |
| in bed for weeks on end. | | | | NOW. Do what is different, be a little wild. Trying |
| I choose CHANGE. BE DIFFERENT= DO | | | | to repeat the past will revive the pain and keep it |
| DIFFERENT= FEEL DIFFERENT...try it, it works | | | | alive and well. Acknowledge the pain, but |
| Five Tips for Widows ( and anyone else) to | | | | acknowledge there is a new future ahead...DO IT, |
| Survive (maybe even THRIVE ) this Holiday | | | | CREATE IT, MANIFEST IT...you can. |
| Season ! | | | | Yes, with effort and support we can survive this |
| 1. Do everything differently. Create new rituals. | | | | season...we may even THRIVE. |
| Challenge yourself to create a new world for you | | | | Blessings. |