| When my daughter was two, friends offered us | | | | about things you can add to your holiday |
| some gently used toys from their six-year-old | | | | celebration and things you are ready to discard in |
| child. They needed to move out the play kitchen | | | | order to bring the holiday more in line with what |
| with stove, refrigerator, and highchair, plus the doll | | | | you really value. |
| crib with changing station, to make room for new | | | | To bring your kids into the conversation, start by |
| things at Christmas. We set up these toys in our | | | | reading How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Then ask |
| living room while our daughter slept on Christmas | | | | this question: " If the Grinch were to come to our |
| Eve, and she awoke to a marvelous new world. | | | | house, steal everything, all the presents, all the |
| "Play," she called excitedly as she tugged on my | | | | decorations, all the food, how would you know it |
| sleeve, "Play, play, play." | | | | was Christmas? How would we celebrate without |
| I spent a lot of time and money trying to | | | | any of those things?" For the "Whos down in |
| recreate that moment over the next few years, | | | | Whoville," the answer was singing. In your family |
| but I couldn't. I finally recognized that nothing I put | | | | the answer might be quite different: Having the |
| under the tree could possibly live up to her | | | | whole family together or going to church or telling |
| dreams of what might be under the tree. And | | | | Christmas stories. Your kids might be resistant at |
| my experience of a child's delight in Christmas has | | | | first. But if you are persistent and playful in your |
| never, before or since, been as pure and simple | | | | questioning you might gain some insight into how |
| as it was that morning when my daughter was | | | | your children view Christmas and what is |
| two. | | | | important to them. At the very least you will |
| Years before, when my three step children were | | | | share the idea that the value of Christmas lies |
| growing up, they moved back and forth from | | | | beyond the trappings. |
| their Piedmont home to our more modest digs in | | | | But in truth you probably can't and don't want to |
| Oakland. Each year they spent Christmas Eve and | | | | give up all the trappings of Christmas. If |
| Christmas morning at one house, then moved | | | | exchanging gifts is important to you because it |
| midday to the other house, for another round of | | | | promotes a sense of connection, but purchasing |
| present opening and Christmas dinner. This was | | | | gifts and accumulating stuff is stressful, look for |
| especially difficult the years they left new | | | | ways to have the connection without the stress. |
| bicycles, skates and remote control cars at their | | | | My father, who grew up during the Great |
| other house and came to us to unwrap new | | | | Depression, was a master at this. One trick he |
| sweaters, books and a few board games. We | | | | had was to purchase an extra gift for the whole |
| could not compete on volume or price. What | | | | family and wrap it in multiple layers of gift-wrap. |
| could we offer the children that they hadn't just | | | | Each layer had a tag with a family member's |
| had in greater measure at their other home? We | | | | name, sometimes accompanied by a riddle or |
| went with silly and unexpected. One year they | | | | rhyme. The gift would pass from one person to |
| came home to discover a note on the door: | | | | the next until finally the last layer was unwrapped, |
| Alert: The Grinch is at it again. He has attempted | | | | revealing a box of chocolate or peanut brittle for |
| to spoil Christmas by switching the brains of | | | | all to share. Another trick he used was to hide |
| Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. The plot has | | | | someone's gift and instead wrap up the first clue |
| been foiled and we have attempted to set things | | | | for a treasure hunt. Both these tricks extended |
| right. There may be a few glitches. -The Tooth | | | | the gift exchange and added to the joy of the |
| Fairy | | | | moment without more expense or stuff. |
| And all of the presents were missing from under | | | | This year my sister and I have agreed our |
| the tree. The children spent a delighted half hour | | | | families will exchange things we already own. This |
| searching for the missing gifts. Years later I have | | | | means I don't have to spend more time shopping, |
| no memory of what was in the packages, but I | | | | I don't have to spend more money, and I still get |
| remember clearly their delight in the unexpected. | | | | to enjoy exchanging gifts with my sister and her |
| From ancient solstice rituals to the modern | | | | family. Bonus: no net increase of stuff in my |
| holidays, mid-winter has always been about | | | | house. |
| celebrating abundance in a time of scarcity: Light | | | | Think about what you can give your children that |
| in a time of darkness, plenty in a time of not | | | | no one else can. High on this list is a sense of |
| much. But the scarcity we experience is different | | | | personal and family history. One year we bought |
| from the scarcity of a century ago. Our rituals | | | | a collage frame for each child and filled them with |
| have come to feel like excess in a time of plenty | | | | photos of themselves from babyhood up to that |
| rather than plenty in a time of little. | | | | Christmas. These were among the best loved and |
| Most of us have plenty of possessions and plenty | | | | least expensive gifts we ever gave. If you are |
| of excitement. When we attempt to use the | | | | spending less time at the store, you will have |
| holiday standbys of gifts, food and glitter to | | | | more time to be with your children sharing skills |
| create a sense of abundance, we may end up | | | | you learned from your parents or other beloved |
| feeling stressed and empty. It is difficult to find | | | | adults. This might be time spent baking or building |
| more and better toys and gadgets to interest the | | | | or creating together. It might include reading |
| kids, to cook and create food in even greater | | | | stories aloud or even watching movies you loved |
| amounts and quality, or to add more pizzazz and | | | | as a child. Be sure to let your children know why |
| glitter to our already well lit world. In the end we | | | | these activities are important to you and who |
| often feel let down. Why? Because we too often | | | | first shared them with you. In doing this you will |
| neglect the areas in which we really are lacking in | | | | be giving your children a solid piece of family |
| order to create more, more, more of what we | | | | history. |
| already have. | | | | Sharing your values is another gift only you can |
| And too often we end up working against our | | | | give your children. There are many, many ways |
| own values. Perhaps you value nature and | | | | to share your abundance with others during the |
| sustainability but find yourself buying stuff | | | | holidays. Pick one or two that are most |
| manufactured from scarce resources just to fill a | | | | meaningful to you and invite your children to join |
| gift list. Perhaps you value time with family but | | | | you. Buy socks and mittens for the homeless, |
| find yourself fighting crowds at the mall. Perhaps | | | | make decorations for the old people's home, go |
| you value calm and reflection and find yourself | | | | caroling at the hospital, bag food at the food bank. |
| caught up with constant noise and activity. | | | | Or suggest that instead of buying you a gift, your |
| This holiday season I invite you to notice what | | | | children can make you a card and contribute |
| really is scarce in your life. Despite the economic | | | | money to a cause you support. |
| downturn, for must of us there is no scarcity of | | | | If this holiday has spiritual significance for you, |
| material things. We may need to get by on last | | | | don't skip over it in the holiday rush. Take the |
| year's hottest video game system, cell phone and | | | | time to go to church. Invite ritual into your home. |
| MP3 player rather than springing for the next | | | | Talk about the core messages of Christmas: |
| model. That's OK. We still have more stuff in our | | | | hope, peace, joy, love. If these are lacking in your |
| lives than any other people in the history of the | | | | life, find ways to invite them in. If these are things |
| planet. So what are you lacking? Time alone, time | | | | you have in abundance, find ways to share them |
| with family, spiritual grounding, a sense of | | | | with others. |
| community, a sense of larger purpose, creative | | | | Remember no matter how well you plan, |
| expression? How can you create these things in | | | | whatever Christmas traditions you create or |
| among the rituals of gift giving, eating, decorating | | | | discard, however much effort you put into |
| and endless social events? | | | | creating the 'perfect' holiday, the most magical |
| Ask yourself the question first: What is lacking in | | | | moments of Christmas are likely to happen in the |
| my life? What is it I value that does not find | | | | moments you least expect. Give yourself the |
| expression in my daily life? When you begin to | | | | time to savor the moments when you are caught |
| have answers for yourself, invite your family and | | | | off guard by beauty, love, pure joy, the possibility |
| close friends into the conversation. Brainstorm | | | | of peace. |