| Kay called yesterday. Stressed about the | | | | bakery's cookies. The meaning of the tradition had |
| impending holiday season, she complained, "I'm | | | | changed. It was time for a new tradition, one that |
| planning that darn Christmas Eve dinner." She is | | | | enhanced our working relationship without making |
| experiencing this once welcomed tradition as a | | | | unnecessary demands upon it. |
| dreaded event. "Can you change traditions?" She | | | | As this holiday season approaches filled with past |
| asked. | | | | traditions and rituals, take time to reevaluate the |
| The tradition began when her mother married. | | | | meaning of your traditions. Are they still providing |
| Since her husband's family gathered on Christmas | | | | the original meaning? Is a tradition creating more |
| Day, she created the Christmas Eve dinner as a | | | | stress than value? Is there another way to |
| special way to celebrate with her family. Over the | | | | convey meaning that would be simpler or more |
| years, as children married and moved away, the | | | | effective? If it's significant, maintain it. If it has lost |
| value of the event grew into the highlight of the | | | | its purpose or meaning, create a new one. |
| year! When her mother died, Kay happily took | | | | Talking about meaningless traditions reminds me |
| over the tradition and enjoyed preparing the | | | | of a story about a young newlywed making the |
| celebration for many years. | | | | traditional family roast for the first time. As she is |
| Today, Kay's children and grandchildren gather at | | | | about to cut the ends off the roast she asks, |
| this traditional event. The difference is that they | | | | "Mother, why are the ends cut off the roast?" |
| all live nearby and see one another weekly. The | | | | Her mother replied, "That's how my mother |
| original meaning of the Christmas Eve dinner | | | | taught me to do it." |
| changed. It no longer represents drawing people | | | | Becoming more curious, she called her |
| together one day a year with anticipation and | | | | grandmother with the same query. "Why is it |
| excitement. Now it is one more chore, a sign that | | | | important to cut the ends off the roast?" Her |
| the tradition needs updating. | | | | grandmother said, "That's what my mother did." |
| A newly recovering alcoholic client called me in a | | | | More intent than ever, she approached her great |
| panic a few years back. She was concerned | | | | grandmother at the nursing home, "Grandma, |
| about relapsing over mounting holiday stress. The | | | | why do you cut the ends off the roast before |
| biggest upset was that she would not be able to | | | | cooking?" The elderly woman answered slowly, |
| finish making handmade ornaments, which had | | | | "Well dear, the pan I had was just a little too small |
| become a tradition. She started late due to time | | | | for the roast, so I cut off the ends to make it |
| in treatment. | | | | fit." |
| "What's really important about them?" I asked. | | | | Traditions are born of historical choices. We feel |
| After thinking a minute she said, "They show | | | | bound to keep up the fondly remembered act, |
| each person how much I really care about them." | | | | even though its meaning has long gone. |
| Tears welled up as she realized that relapsing | | | | When there's too much too do with too little time; |
| would send the opposite message. Then, the light | | | | it is vital to scrutinize every activity in terms of |
| went on! "I sent the ornaments to avoid seeing | | | | the value it adds to your life. Time-honored |
| them." With this awareness, she changed the | | | | traditions are no exception. |
| tradition. She enclosed a poem in gift boxes | | | | Traditions, rituals and ceremonies add beauty and |
| inviting each person to select a special time to be | | | | meaning to our lives. They provide depth to our |
| together with her in the next year for a meal, | | | | experiences. However, a tradition without meaning |
| shopping, etc. Over the years, this has become a | | | | can be counterproductive. It can inspire |
| welcomed tradition. | | | | resentment, anger and frustration at its |
| This is true in the workplace too. I remember the | | | | unreasonable demand for compliance. |
| annual cookie exchange. Each person would bring | | | | One way to fulfill your quest for meaning, joy and |
| their best cookie to exchange and everyone | | | | peace this holiday season is to evaluate and |
| went home with a fabulous assortment of | | | | create meaningful and simple traditions that are |
| traditional homemade favorites. One year we | | | | easy to maintain and truly serve their purpose. |
| realized that most of us exchanged the local | | | | May you have a happy, meaningful holiday season! |